Who would of thought that a simple task, taking a round of photos, would be so challenging.
And would curl around my foot, as a weight… plummet of the cliff with me in tow, into the ocean of thought... letting me go, only after thorough self-honesty!
For so long, fashion and it’s accessories, just hasn’t featured an important episode in my life, it's been so long
that I can't remember the last time I truly experienced joy, from the effort of dressing up or decorating.
I burnt out on cultivating a look; 2 years on a Buddhist community and ageing, will do that to you, it's not just depression that leaves one thinking, what’s the point!
Somewhere in those years of unadorned living and the excessive practical tasks of mothering, gardening, cow milking etc,
I sort of realised that my mind had been busy those days, caring a whole lot more than it should, about these silly things.
I must have had a lot of time to kill back then!
Mostly in reflection, I see that my youth was spent discovering and cultivating a projection and ego, more than the statement I had intended, I cringe at being an unimaginative, sheepish, try hard.
In my 10s and 20s I had joined the teeming lefties, in the normal expressions of beauty for the particular circles I was in, it was the exclusive hippy/ goddess look, up and coming Indy girl and the raw fooding yogini projection.
Although I wasn't what you would call a dedicated image cultivator, I did at times fail, to realise, that if someone liked me or not, simply because of my look, rarely would a deeper connection blossom.
when I did realise this, I aimed to
foster more love, comfort ability, and happiness with whomever came my way!
I once wore clothes, that pushed my agenda of rebellion and freedom, which helped build in me a group mentality and a big massive wall!
I was mistaken, as I identified with a look being the cause, as if joining or being accepted by another tribe of funky dread clones, grungy protestors or the well-cut designer brand coffee drinkers, I would fulfill some of my needs for belonging.
That was until I start the strip... peeling back the layers of associations, anything that trapped me into playing out an identity was pawed.
Over the years, I have walked upon streets from Byron bay, Melbourne, Koh San Road and Delhi wondering why we make such a big deal, such effort and expense about it all, wondering if the appearance mentality and habit for sectarianism, still herded us, open pocketed, through the gates of elitism, materialism and separation in the name of clothing our bodies
The process of photographing these vintage threads, has taken me through a few layers of judgment and criticism about appearances, that now peeled away has left me freer.
On one hand, I see the great illusion and on the other, I am reminded that each person finds their own journey through life's jungle, and some of us enjoy our peacock self with the aim to impresses our lovers in that dance!
And while these days, I mostly reach into the closet with out discrimination, I can also appreciate quality, functionality, whimsy and beauty as I always have. The small joy's of well put together, imaginative and magical things.
I am inspired by the wonderful creative people that up-cycles, recycles and uses natural materials and ethical work practices.
Because our Peacock feathers, shouldn't shimmer, with the sweat of the exploited or pollute the planet!
Although I can't shake the opinion, that we would be much wiser to indulge on heartier causes than our own closet.
I am sensing a maturation, to my self-exploration, if I come up after a period of reflection, to find that I hold, dualistic views, exclusive ideas or righteousness, I must admit that I haven't yet succeeded in reaching any true understanding.
And so, with my great camera and basic, oh so Basic, camera skills, I have been taking photos of these vintage threads and listing them in my Etsy shop. In the hope that I am lightened up on my side and that someone else, on the other side, is filled for a moment with satisfaction over the details and romantic sense of the times and craftsmanship, that these pieces evoke.
It has been hard to let go of my once treasured items,
But I am still happy to see my stash of 1960 / 70 /80 pieces end up with a true lover of skins!
Instead of with me and my hum ho interest.
The inner exploration of this subject is well traversed now and what emerges, is the world of photographic intrigue, how to capture light, color, fabric sheen, making an un ironed item look good anyhow!
how to keep up with those glamorous etsy sellers around me, I have appearances to keep up, listings to do, a reputation to uphold, least I be considered a daggy photographer and these beautiful things not sell because of it... and so another similar childhood pattern emerges, one that isn't based on my own personal style but the style I am trying to ensure popularity for.... learning curve aside, I am looking forward to the time, when my simple faery flags, are all I have left in my Etsy, although that wont be lasting for long...
oh and thanks for reading, that was indeed a chunky one and feel free to leave a comment, I have missed you too!